we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
