I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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