God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
