He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
