I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Terrible idea I love it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
