There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize