Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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