had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
