i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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