New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
