we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
