I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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