I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
