i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize