Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
