I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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