Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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