Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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