you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
