Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
