I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
