I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
