Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
