am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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