The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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