i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
