i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
