He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
