I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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