How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
