Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
