Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
