If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
