Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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