Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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