i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Randomize