Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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