I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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