there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
