the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
