I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
