Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
