did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
wow bdsm is so cute
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
