This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
