So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
