Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
