quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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