My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
