We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
