how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's always time for handjobs
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
