so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize