he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
