i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just cropdusted the office
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
