I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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