I got her a Nickelback box set.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
