hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
