so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
