You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
