Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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