I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
