I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
