Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dicks are not precious.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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