i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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