dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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