You smell like stripper and shame
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
this will be a night to untag.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
