I wish I only lived at night.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
