I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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