i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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