Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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