just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
