I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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