All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
