Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I could fuck to npr.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
