i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
