i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
