i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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