Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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