He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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