Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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