you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
