Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
