Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
