break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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