No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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