i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
