btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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