I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
