I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
