Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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