We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
