I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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