all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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