your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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