Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
