I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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