Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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