My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
...so i touched it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
