I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
