Porn is love you can see.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
