We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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