Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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