I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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