I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
