you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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