idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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