They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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